You’ve probably had moments in your life where you realize that your life will forever be changed. Some are beautiful moments like finding out you will be a parent, or the moment you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with your significant other. Other moments are not so pleasant, but equally life-changing. One moment I’ve had was definitely life-changing to say the least.
The moment I knew that from here on out I would be different was the first of many dark days for me. When my whole life came crashing down and I needed the Lord more than ever before.
So we were having one of our typical arguments. It was an argument just like all the others. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing alarming. At least not at first. To this day I still do not remember what sparked the argument. All I know is that it escalated QUICKLY. It was silly really. I remember telling him to get out and to give me his key back. I had allowed him to make a copy of my key so that he could come in and out whenever he liked (BIG mistake!). When he wouldn’t give me his key I reached over to grab them from him, and to prevent me from doing so he reached over and put all his weight into punching me in the foot. Like who does that?! Anyway, after attempting to defend myself from his punches, he got up, stood right in front of me and pushed me as hard as he possibly could. Now for those of you who didn’t know him, let’s just say he was waaay bigger than I am. When a man of that size throws a petite woman across the room, it hurts. It hurts big time. I flew to the kitchen, my arm hitting the dining room chair, and me landing bottom first onto the kitchen tile. The fall fractured my tailbone.
That was my moment.
Laying there on the kitchen floor, crying so hard, in so much pain, in so much disbelief. That was the moment I knew I was different. For the rest of my life I will now be included in a statistic. I was THAT girl. I had just become another girl whose boyfriend hits her. All of that was the least of my worries, but in that moment I knew my life was changed. A million things ran through my mind as the whole world closed around me. The whole world seemed to have stopped and everything around me grew dark. Everything was fine 30 minutes ago. I didn’t understand how we came to that moment? How could he have just told me he loved me then do this? How could the one person who was supposed to protect and honor you betray you in the most horrible manner? How could love equate to this? Time seemed to have stood still, and my heart was completely shattered, along with my tailbone.
Now there’s no need to tell you how much he apologized and how much I was screaming, and blah blah blah. It was a worthless apology since more of those moments were to come in later years.
The aftermath of that moment was just as grueling. I remember having to keep my pain hidden. Nobody knew what happened. I lied to the doctor about what really happened. I lied to some of my coworkers about why I had to take time off. I lied to my family by smiling through the beautiful moments when we celebrated my younger sister’s birthday and celebrating my older sister’s pregnancy. Although life continued around me, and I was happy for others in their happy times, I was walking around with a cloud over my head. Feeling like a zombie and just walking through life because I was still in so much pain physically and emotionally.
These ugly, icky, disturbing moments are what some of us live with day after day. There are some people who have yet to catch a break from the icky-ness. For those of you who may presently be in your own lying on the kitchen floor moment, I want to tell you to give it all to the Lord. Just let it all go. His healing is stronger than any medicine the doctor can give you. His embrace is warmer than any hug you’ve ever felt. His grace takes all your pain away. He erases your past and gives you a new future. You no longer have to be defined by your moment! Your moment is a part of your testimony, yet it does not define you! There is healing in the power of Jesus, but first you have to call out to Him. He is waiting for you and wants nothing more than to tell you, “I got you. You don’t have to worry anymore”. He wants to love you.
And for others, reach out to those who you think may be going through their moments. There are more out there than you think. A simple “how are you doing” will reveal so much. Reach out to your friends. They need you. And they need your prayers.
Lastly, I leave you with these lyrics that was playing over and over as I wrote this…”You are stronger, You are stronger. Sin is broken. You have saved me. It is written Christ is risen. Jesus You are Lord of all!”
Here are the full lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/stronger-lyrics-hillsong.html
I love you, and keep fighting. #ForeverFighters