The Promise

When I tell you the Lord has saved me….the Lord has really SAVED me! Multiple and multiple times. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like this before, but at one point in my life I felt like “how many more times is the Lord gonna save me?!?”. How much more will it take for me to get it? The moment that I felt like that was the day after I left him. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was really done that time. I thought why in the heck did it take six years to really be done? I looked back over the last years and I suddenly could piece together all these little moments that God tried to save me and tried to take me out of that situation, but I never listened to Him. I remember times I was begging on my knees and praying so hard for God to show me a sign of what I was supposed to do, and He would show me a CLEAR FREAKIN SIGN, yet I did nothing! If He were any other person I’m sure He would have given up on me. One time in particular was CLEAR AS DAY, yet I did not budge.

I remember it was just a few days before Christmas and I was so sick! I stayed home from school and work and he came over to bring me some soup (how sweet! NOT!). We fell asleep on my bed. I woke up before he did and I suddenly got this weird urge to look at his phone. I never really felt like I should look through his phone before then, but I swear to you that it was like everything in the room was dark except for a huge light shining on his phone! If that isn’t a hint I don’t know what is!!!! So I began to look through his phone and it was no bueno. He was clearly cheating on me. Really? Before Christmas? While I’m sitting here sick as a dog?! So we broke up for like a week then got back together. Now I’m sitting here picturing God rolling his eyes and thinking “Is she STUPID?!”. But I don’t think God talks like that about us….I hope.

So anyway, after I left him for good I was thinking back onto all my other moments I’ve had similar to the light shining on the phone moment, and I was balling out of control. Tears of gratefulness. Tears of shame and stupidity. But mostly tears of JOY! Joyful that my Lord is so merciful, and loving. Every mistake you’ve made is stripped off of you when you come back to Him. In that moment I made the biggest promise of my life. Bigger than a wedding vow. I promised Him that I would NEVER ever disobey Him again. That I would be wise in my decisions and follow every sign that we would throw my way. Because years of pain and shame could have been reduced if only I would have obeyed. If only I would have been brave enough to LEAVE! Now I know that my promise is dang near impossible since we are all human and I will fall short DAILY, however from that day on God and I have an understanding. Him and I are like this *holds up and crosses two fingers*. He knows how grateful I am of his mercy. Every day when I experience His love I am reminded of what love DOES NOT look like and how he saved me from that darkness. For that I am eternally grateful. And my whole life will be given to serve the Lord. I pray that each of you have “an understanding” with God and that you find comfort in his everlasting love! #LoveDoesntHurt #ForeverFighters

Love,

Melissa

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For the ForeverFighters

As I sit here facing the computer and the keyboard I immediately feel insecure. Insecure about my first post, my first blog ever! Its such a huge deal to me, so the very first blog must be perfect! Then I think, “But what exactly in my life or in anyone’s life has ever been perfect?”. And then I think, “That is exactly what my blog is about!” It is about the imperfections of life, the mess we get ourselves into, and the times when we have to just FIGHT! ForeverFighters. That’s what we are.

I’d like to introduce you to my blog! Yay! As mentioned above, my blog is about trials and tribulations, moments of doubt, moments of breakthrough, moments where the Lord has had to rescue me, and hopefully words that will encourage or rescue you as well. In order to understand why I feel the need to share, I need to explain a bit of who I am and what has led me to this moment. Just like everyone else, I have dealt with my share of battles. One battle in particular I have not shared with many people. As I sit here and type this, my eyes fill with tears because I know I am about to pour my soul to the world. For six years I was in an abusive relationship. Mentally and physically. It took years for me to realize that I was even in it, and it has taken years to glue only a tiny piece of myself back together. Once you experience that, it almost feels like you can never fully break away from it, and a little bit at a time you feel like you are slowly healing. I don’t feel as if you can ever truly heal from that, just as you never truly heal from a loved one passing. A bit of the pain is always there. My journey of healing has been an interesting one since I sort of self-healed (which I don’t recommend). Like I said, I didn’t even understand what I was experiencing at first. It probably wasn’t until about two years after getting myself out that I even began to understand what domestic violence is and what exactly is “abuse”. I still don’t understand it. The label sucks. The word victim makes me cringe. And remembering some of the worser times (yes I said “worser”!) makes me cry myself to sleep. As you can tell, my journey of healing has been painful and confusing, but it is my story. And what I have learned over the years is that more people should tell their story! I need to tell my story. I can’t even begin to think of how many women might be going through what I went through and that need to hear this. If my blog impacts just one person’s life then it has fulfilled its purpose and I will be happy. From this blog I hope to bring awareness, I hope to unite women (and men) together for a cause, I hope to inspire, and I hope to help bring people closer to Christ. We can all learn something from each other. When life is tough and when we need a word of encouragement we should be the ones uplifting each other. Every day is a constant battle. Sometimes the battle is just simply “what the heck am I going to wear today?!??”, yet other times the battle is putting a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry. We’ve all been there. The fact that we press on means we are FIGHTERS! The fact that we’ve won the fight makes us warriors! Tomorrow there will be another fight, so just keep fighting. We’re ForeverFighters.

P.S: Ok that was cheesy, but whatever! Hashtag ForeverFighters! 😉

Love,

Melissa