When I tell you the Lord has saved me….the Lord has really SAVED me! Multiple and multiple times. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like this before, but at one point in my life I felt like “how many more times is the Lord gonna save me?!?”. How much more will it take for me to get it? The moment that I felt like that was the day after I left him. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was really done that time. I thought why in the heck did it take six years to really be done? I looked back over the last years and I suddenly could piece together all these little moments that God tried to save me and tried to take me out of that situation, but I never listened to Him. I remember times I was begging on my knees and praying so hard for God to show me a sign of what I was supposed to do, and He would show me a CLEAR FREAKIN SIGN, yet I did nothing! If He were any other person I’m sure He would have given up on me. One time in particular was CLEAR AS DAY, yet I did not budge.
I remember it was just a few days before Christmas and I was so sick! I stayed home from school and work and he came over to bring me some soup (how sweet! NOT!). We fell asleep on my bed. I woke up before he did and I suddenly got this weird urge to look at his phone. I never really felt like I should look through his phone before then, but I swear to you that it was like everything in the room was dark except for a huge light shining on his phone! If that isn’t a hint I don’t know what is!!!! So I began to look through his phone and it was no bueno. He was clearly cheating on me. Really? Before Christmas? While I’m sitting here sick as a dog?! So we broke up for like a week then got back together. Now I’m sitting here picturing God rolling his eyes and thinking “Is she STUPID?!”. But I don’t think God talks like that about us….I hope.
So anyway, after I left him for good I was thinking back onto all my other moments I’ve had similar to the light shining on the phone moment, and I was balling out of control. Tears of gratefulness. Tears of shame and stupidity. But mostly tears of JOY! Joyful that my Lord is so merciful, and loving. Every mistake you’ve made is stripped off of you when you come back to Him. In that moment I made the biggest promise of my life. Bigger than a wedding vow. I promised Him that I would NEVER ever disobey Him again. That I would be wise in my decisions and follow every sign that we would throw my way. Because years of pain and shame could have been reduced if only I would have obeyed. If only I would have been brave enough to LEAVE! Now I know that my promise is dang near impossible since we are all human and I will fall short DAILY, however from that day on God and I have an understanding. Him and I are like this *holds up and crosses two fingers*. He knows how grateful I am of his mercy. Every day when I experience His love I am reminded of what love DOES NOT look like and how he saved me from that darkness. For that I am eternally grateful. And my whole life will be given to serve the Lord. I pray that each of you have “an understanding” with God and that you find comfort in his everlasting love! #LoveDoesntHurt #ForeverFighters